There I sat, completely frozen, unable to move forward, terrified I would slide and roll down the mountain. I had watched the rest of my family take their four-wheelers through the path, the edge of the road on one side and the other side snow, yet there I sat unable to move forward. Tears slowly trickled down my cheeks in disappointment as I realized I couldn’t push forward. I felt I had come so far and that I was doing so much better, yet at this moment I felt defeated. I climbed off, as my Dad also climbed off of his four-wheeler, and I walked behind as he effortlessly drove it to the other side of the path before I climbed back on.
This wasn’t my first struggle of the day though. The first came when we started up a hill of rocks. As I looked up at the hill ahead I was afraid I was going to hit one rock wrong and I would roll the four-wheeler, with me and my youngest on it. I became overwhelmed and tears slowly trickled down my face. I didn’t want to let everyone else down, yet my fear was taking over and I felt certain I couldn’t get up the hill. My sunglasses and handkerchief covered my face and so I thought I was concealing my fear. My brother was right behind me encouraging me to keep going and to not stop. I took a deep breath and focused on the spot right in front of me. With every rock, I climbed my confidence got stronger and I started thinking I could handle anything if I just focused on the spot right in front me. When I got to the top I gave a thumbs-up to the group, indicating I was fine and to move ahead. The entire family waiting for my reaction indicated to me that I probably wasn’t hiding my fear as much as I thought. They may have not seen the tears, but may have noticed my deep breath, or maybe saw my hesitation, or maybe because they know me so well they knew that I’d most likely struggle. They lovingly waited at the top of the hill; I’m sure cheering me on in their heads, all wanting me to succeed.
Almost immediately the symbolism ran through my head. Our lives can be an uphill battle, and looking ahead is excessively overwhelming. Worrying about life without Travis is too far ahead, worrying about how much longer he will be able to fight the abscess and the cancer is overwhelming. I do my best to live for today, but so many times I look at the hill of rocks and become scared that everything is going to come tumbling down and I’ll let everyone down. However, when I can focus on the immediate rocks, the homework assignments, the bandage changing, balancing kids and Travis’ needs, going to work, etc., then life isn’t quite as hard. I can manage one rock at a time, and then the next rock over and over as I continue my climb up my hill. And as we go through our life, we have people cheering us on, some know our challenges and patiently wait, and others stay behind and encourage us. Beyond those on earth, I can also imagine how many angels we have cheering us on and wanting us to succeed, knowing of our trials and knowing the burdens we carry, knowing our silent fears, and the pain in our hearts. They are also here cheering us on and eagerly wanting us to succeed.
However, in those moments that I become overwhelmed and I just can’t see how to maneuver through a problem, that’s when I allow my family and friends to take me through. And, like my brothers and Dad who went ahead to check out the way, or fell behind to encourage me from behind, I know that Jesus Christ also went ahead and created a path for us to follow and is aware of all of our struggles. I am also very aware that our Father in Heaven will always be there to support us; he loves us and will guide us through this life.
I am so grateful for our entire army of people that support us through everything; it is because of our support we are able to fight one day at a time.
Copyright © Stacy Fredericks 2018, All rights reserved