I wouldn’t say that I necessarily lived life looking through rose-colored glasses, rather I would say that life prior to cancer I had limited vision. I could only see what I knew, I could only feel what I knew. I wasn’t wrong in my perspective or understanding. It’s as if I could only see a part of a picture and didn’t even know there was more to it.
So, what is different now? I’ve felt pain deeper than I ever thought possible. I’ve faced a reality of a life without Travis, a life alone. However, as the picture widens and I can see the pain, it also expands to show more joy. I can see happiness in the small details and simple moments. I’ve experienced an exhaustion that seems incurable. As I struggle with this exhaustion I can more fully appreciate a kind gesture that lifts my burden. Every negative and positive emotion expands the picture further.
I listen to my children express empathy that I would not have been able to show at their age and I realize their picture has also expanded. While I want to protect them and shield them from all the pain, I can’t, and can only help and hope that by facing more sadness their picture will also expand and they will be able to more fully see the joy
I am fascinated to listen to other people’s life experiences and I can see them more clearly as I try to understand the picture that they see. I’m grateful for all of our different experiences because it gives us many different perspectives and allows us to support each other through this life.
Cancer has taught me to see more, and as we see the pain we fight one day at a time to see the good and see the joy!
Copyright © Stacy Fredericks 2018, All rights reserved