10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #7

“Saying no can be hard, but fight for the best things in life!”

Just Say No

Everyone processes things differently and we all have different needs in similar situations. One thing I like to do differently than most is sit alone at the hospital while I wait for Travis to be done with surgery. Similarly, after Surgery, Travis doesn’t always want visitors at the hospital when he’s struggling. While in the waiting area I have observed many that were different, some had 10+ people waitinghospital, some were by themselves, and some had small groups. However, I felt we were usually in the minority with it just being me and Trav. We had many tender moments that would have been different had others been around, moments of discussing football, expressing love and appreciation, building each other up, sharing our struggles, crying, laughing, content silence, etc. Many offered to sit with me at the hospital, and many offered to come visit Travis afterward, however they were always told no. If I had refused to say no, it would seem I would’ve been saying no to Travis and no to being there for him because I needed to please someone else. I hate saying no and I hate offending, but what are we giving up by refusing to say no, who are we silently saying no to?

During trials we are spread thin with all the demands, often the question in my head is “Who does this benefit and who does this hurt?” Having “me time” is a benefit to everyone because it gives me a chance to reset, but too much “me time” is neglectful to my family. Taking the kids places and spending time as a family is amazing, but too much of that gives me less time to manage some of the have-to-dos around the house. It’s all a balance and no one else knows what you need to balance it all, and so that is why it is so important to learn to say no! Often it’s no to great things and great people, but it’s a yes to your spouse and children.

Dallin H. Oaks gave a wonderful talk entitled “Good, Better, Best” in which he counsels us on the good things, better things, and best things in life. I often reflect on the teachings of this talk and consider if whether our choices are the best for us. RunningMy oldest wanted to go running with me the other night, it was a beautiful night, and I had so been looking forward to my quiet run. I knew that my time alone was what I really wanted, but that time with just my son was what he needed. Nothing huge came out of our little chat, but I put a huge smile on my son’s face, it certainly was the best decision I could make that night.

Every day we make thousands of choices, many of them impact our spouse and our families in one way or another. My goals are to make Travis and my family happy, and this means voicing what I am comfortable with so that I can be strong enough for them. Saying no can be hard, but we have to fight for the best things in life!


10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #1 – Be Patient

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #2 – You Need Help

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #3 – Let the Kids be Kids

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #4 – Accept your new normal

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #5 – Be Positive

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #6 – Accept less than perfect

Copyright © Stacy Fredericks 2016, All rights reserved

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