10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #6

After the kids get rid of the person at the door I curl up on the couch, realizing it’s already noon on Saturday and nothing is perfect.

Accept less than perfect

There is a knock at the door, and while the kids go through the obstacle course of toys and blankets to reach the front door I quickly hide because I haven’t even run a brush through my hair today. The kids haven’t bathed for a day or two…I think they’ve brushed their hair…wait didn’t they wear that on Wednesday…it’s Saturday, please tell me they have changed their clothes! After the kids get rid of the person at the door I curl up on the couch, realizing it’s already noon on Saturday and nothing is perfect.

I wish I could say that is not an accurate account of a Saturday this summer. I just can’t do it all, I can’t be everything and everyone.

Now I’m not saying I was ever perfect, but things used to be much different and so much easier. It is incredibly exhausting supporting an ill spouse. You lose your greatest support, your ally, your very best friend, and then add another person to have to care for.

My house was never perfect, but some days it’s chaos. I have a cleaning system, but the cleaning is usually done on Saturday, so by Friday it is sometimes super cluttered. And some Saturdays I’m so tired that I don’t finish it all.
My kids have had less attention to making their hair perfect and their outfits totally matching. Most of the time they look great, but I leave for work before they are up during the summer and before they leave for school during the school year, so some days they may look…well interesting!

Some days they definitely play too many video games and they don’t have enough chores.kids-at-park But it’s okay, I’m doing the best and my best has to be good enough! There are days I get really down on myself, I don’t have the energy to do what some other mothers can accomplish. I am exhausted at all times and really struggle some days to get the basics done.

This is what I’ve decided, though…God knew my trials before they happened, he knew what children were coming to my home, knowing I can only do so much. They are wonderful kids, I am so blessed to have their sweet spirits in my home, I give everything I have every day, and my best is good enough. I learned to accept that if people judge me because my house is a mess or my children look homeless, then it’s only because they do not understand. However, I haven’t felt judgment, only people willing to help, especially when they see the chaos my life sometimes is. I have things under control most the time, but nothing is perfect, and I’ve learned to accept that. It’s okay to be less than perfect, and by accepting less than perfect there is more love and less stress in our home and makes it easier for us to fight cancer.


10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #1 – Be Patient

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #2 – You Need Help

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #3 – Let the Kids be Kids

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #4 – Accept your new normal

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #5 – Be Positive

Copyright © Stacy Fredericks 2016, All rights reserved

5 thoughts on “10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #6

  1. Stacy you really are perfect, you know! The rest of us have cluttered homes with no excuse whatsoever 😘 You have wonderful children and we love you and are so proud of you and impressed by your strength and faith. 💐 Give yourself a huge pat on the back!

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    1. Aww, you are too sweet! I think we all have an excuse for a cluttered home, and it’s great to accept that it’s okay. 🙂 Your house always looks perfect from what I’ve seen (after watching my kids even), so I don’t know what this clutter you speak of is! Love you!

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  2. When life gets challenging we are forced to choose priorities and to look at our list really hard and choose what matters most. We should always do that, but it’s too easy many days to let the world decide those things for us—and it’s too easy to allow the pressures of others dictate what we give our energy to. It takes courage and grit to set aside what others think and tell yourself that you know what is best and you know how much you can handle. You go girl!!

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