10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #4

This is my life and I have to learn how to live this life! My Heavenly Father has a plan for me. This is my normal!

Accept your new normal

Easier said than done!! When our oldest had a G-tube (feeding tube inserted into his stomach) we talked about the day we would be normal.

Three years later I said that things were really good and things almost felt normal. The next month Travis got sick and two months later they found his cancer, so we looked forward to the day we would be normal.

As part of a surgery, Travis had a temporary ileostomy, and we looked forward to the day that it was reversed. It was reversed which led to awful complications and a new ileostomy, and so we once again looked forward to the day that it was reversed. It was once again reversed with awful complications again and so he received a Colostomy, which is semi-permanent, there is a chance of reversal but less likely with his current cancer. For years we have talked of the day things would be normal.

During chemo in 2013/2014, we literally counted down the days until we thought treatment would stop. We just knew things would be better once he finished and knew things would be normal.

I pushed myself to the limits the last 6 years, knowing that one day Travis would be able to turn around and take care of me. We spent our first 6 years taking care of each other, so that was how I defined normal, I looked forward to the day of that normal.

Finally, I have accepted this is our normal as more than half of our marriage has been riddled with medical trials. We’ve had moments that we thought we were normal, but those moments have proven to be the short abnormal periods.

It seems as if everyone everywhere is running as fast as they can to get to the next thing in life. Where are they running and to what end? What will make them slow down and accept wherever they are? Whether they are renting or own their home, or dating and looking for their soul mate, or newlywed looking forward to children, or a couple with children grown looking to retirement. We should have hope for a wonderful future while accepting our normal, no matter what it is, it’s our normal, own it!

My husband has cancer and chemo for the rest of his life, and then I’m alone. I have to accept that on some level. Yes, there is hope of something different, but I have to accept the possible outcome.

This is my life and I have to learn how to live this life! My Heavenly Father has a plan for me. This is my normal! I have an incredible husband that I adore and 3 beautiful kids. Our medical diagnosis’ do not define us! This is my life and there is no point in fighting my life, I have to accept it and fight cancer, but also accept our normal!


10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #1 – Be Patient

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #2 – You Need Help

10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #3 – Let the Kids be Kids

Copyright © Stacy Fredericks 2016, All rights reserved

3 thoughts on “10 Ways for a Spouse to Survive Cancer #4

  1. This is such a good reminder that we have to take the life God gives us and know that for us, this is our normal. I know that is easier said than done. you are wise beyond your years.

    Like

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